Too much time in my own head

          I spend a lot of time in my own head.  I have been trying to sort out thoughts that continue to creep back into my mind, it is such a struggle! One of the most persistent thought is asking myself if this is what God really wants me to do.  I miss my old life so much at times.  I feel horribly guilty for that. It makes me feel like I am being selfish.  I loved my job, I loved the people I worked with and I was confident in that world.  It became just like my favorite pair of sweat pants, extremely comfortable! I loved it so much I actually burned myself out. I am an all or nothing type of person, so I gave my all. I remember how my last night I worked was so rough and I told myself...look around you, this is the reason you don't want to come back.  I was ready to go, and not look back.

          Then I went, I struggled in my new role as a care giver. I struggled selling my home and moving into theirs. At one point I felt like I had given everything that was me up, because I felt compelled by God to do this.  I honestly don't really question if this is what he wants me doing, because I still feel this is his will. I do however, wonder why I am so sad and lonely at times. Why do I keep getting temptations to stop in my tracks and go back to work right now!  Is it just because I spent the past week working? It felt so, so, so good! It felt like I never left that world. At one point I would of called it quits if the right opportunity came along.  I keep wanting it to happen, then I remind myself that is not what God wants for me.  

          I know this because that opportunity has not presented itself to me. I keep praying for the strength to let go, so I can accept my new life roles. I keep hitting the fence because I can not fully give that worry to God and accept things for what it is.  I pray and pray for help because I can't do this alone. I pray that God continues to bless me so  I can do his will. I pray that he is with these people and that one day I will become  confident in my new role. My biggest fear used to be disappointing my parents, now it is disappointing God!